One Month

It's been one month today since my memaw was laid to rest.  She passed away on August 11, 2011.  In so many ways, it seems like that has been both a long time and not much time at all.  I do know that for me, it just doesn't seem real yet.  I have had many instances over the past few weeks when a particular memory of her would pop into my head...almost on a daily basis.  I feel blessed to have those memories, but it doesn't make the loss any easier.

Aside from the past 4 years, I spent the majority of my life either living on that hill right beside her or in her house with her.  The kids and I most recently lived with her for 6 weeks last fall during our transition between TX and OK.  Even though that is a lot of time and I'm very thankful that I was able to spend so much of it so close to her, I still feel like in so many ways it wasn't enough.  I mean 79 can be considered old to many people, I guess I just thought she would live longer??

Some of the thoughts/memories that I've had over the past few weeks

• memaw and her tractor...that woman loved to get on her tractor and work.  I think a lot of times she would create something to move or mow over just because she enjoyed it so much.  When Dylan was a baby and we lived next door, he would always know when she cranked it up and want to go outside so he could ride it with her.
• garage sales....you see, my memaw, she was ALWAYS planning to have a garage sale.  She loved having them and was constantly scoping out my garbage to see if I had anything worthy of her keeping to sell in her garage sale.  Seriously.
• flowers...she loved her flowers and working in her yard.  I have a vision of her in her blue work pants, a plaid button up shirt and a wet rag around her neck working in the yard.  She always had that wet rag around her neck.
• laundry...I will never forget memaw telling me on multiple occasions that I was going to burn the house down because I forgot to clean the lint tray out of the dryer. 
• hair color...when I lived with her last fall, she recruited me to color her hair.  I got so tickled at her giving me "instructions" about which roller to use and how to part it.  She was bossing me around, but I remember thinking how glad I was that I was able to be there and help her.
• knock knock....Jeremy and I joked for the longest that memaw's way of knocking was to knock on the door and say "knock knock" as she was opening it instead of waiting for us to answer it....I would give ANYTHING for her to "knock" on my door one last time :(

I'm sure there are a lot more, these are just ones that stuck out in my mind and I wanted to capture so I won't forget.

Sydni has been talking a lot about memaw and papaw (and Jake, our chocolate lab).  It makes me both happy and sad to hear her talk so freely about them.  I know she is sad, but I wouldn't trade anything for the memories that she has of her great-grandmother and the years she got to spend with her.

If you are reading this and you still have your grandparent(s) still living, be assured that you are never guaranteed tomorrow and make sure you tell them that you love them and are blessed to have had so much time with them.  My memaw was my last living grandparent and she was the one I was closest to.  As I talk to my mom on pretty much a daily basis, my heart hurts for her as I know she struggles to make it through some days and sometimes sounds like some of the life has gone out of her.  I can't imagine what she is feeling and hope that I have a lot more years with MY mom before she meets her Maker.  I feel so blessed to be a part of such a great family and to have the privilege to call Betty Metcalf my "memaw".

Til next time.....